We started with dinner at the BEST Mexican restaurant in Salem--La Hacienda Real. We used to go there frequently during college--and Jimmy always finagled as many free tortillas out of the waitresses as he could. Last night Crystal actually assisted (it was more of a bribe to get him to come bowling with us) in obtaining an entire extra container of tortillas for Jimmy to take home with his leftovers.
After dinner, we headed to the bowling alley for a couple games of cosmic bowling. There were a few serious bowlers in the group, but I think most of us were more into catching up than focusing on our game. Needless to say, there were many gutter balls and not-so-great scores, but we had fun. :)
That's the whole gang, plus the addition of two boyfriends: Jason, Jimmy, me, Amy, Dan (Amy's boyfriend), Kari, Stephen (Kari's boyfriend), and Crystal. We used to have such fun with game nights and such during college, and they're the kind of friends that will always be there, no matter how many years between visits. I love that! It would be so fun to get together more often, and I hope we do, but the reality is that we all have different lives now. We'll have a blast anytime we get together, but we still need friends who are part of our regular lives, part of the places we go and things we do every day.
Alyssa and I were talking yesterday about the difficulty of developing close friendships these days. In college, it's relatively easy since you're surrounded by hundreds of like-minded, similarly-aged people with whom you spend the majority of your time. After college, it becomes more difficult. Our circles narrow, and it takes more effort to get to know others and develop those friendships. I've started getting to know some people at church, but we see each other once a week, and everyone is in a different situation--most are married, have children, etc. Then there's the work circle. I have great friends at work, but they don't necessarily share the same beliefs and perspectives on life as I do.
So where does one find those close friends who will be there for life, with whom you can share your heart and thoughts and find encouragement and support? I think it comes down to priorities--making time to get to know others. Go out for coffee or dessert, read and discuss a book by a shared favorite author, invite them over for games. The whole single-person-trying-to-befriend-a-married-person problem does complicate things. We singles don't want to impose on their family life. But we need friends with a different perspective. And don't you married people remember what it was like to be single?
I don't know what the exact answer is to developing friendships in life-after-college, but I have a few wonderful ladies in mind that I'm going to ask for a coffee date and make it a priority to get to know them better. I have a feeling they could be kindred spirits...
What's your strategy for developing friendships?
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2 comments:
I love your insights, Rebekah - thanks for sharing!
This is so hard. I've commented to several people how life was so much easier when we were younger and could ask, "Can you come out to play (Barbies)?" :) I share your feeling. I look around me and see other people who seems to have their great friends, but I still find it hard to make friends, as an adult.
I did once have a friend tell me that unless I was willing to match her efforts, she was going to move on, since she has limited time and energy. That was scary for me, to risk losing her, but so wise on her part! You are right - it takes time and effort to cultivate friendships.
On that night - what night are you free for some dessert? :) Or maybe we could do breakfast one Saturday or Sunday morning before church.
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