Thoughts on 27

When I realized sometime Tuesday afternoon that my 26th year was almost at an end, I admit I had a moment (or two) of panic. What is it about 27 that makes it seem SO much older than 26? And why is it that we have this instant reaction of fear and dread when we think about getting another year older? A co-worker unsympathetically told me to "Wait until you hit 29," to which I replied that he shouldn't rush me and, besides, when I reach 29 I will stay there for awhile. Yes, more than the traditional year.

I awoke on New Year's Eve (aka my birthday) with a more rational and accepting view of 27...and even a hint of excitement about my old age. You know how everyone always asks, "So, do you feel any older?" Well, for the first time in my life, I actually did! Although maybe it was just the dress and heels I decided to wear. Heels always make a girl feel more grown-up. At any rate, it was kinda fun to officially enter my "late twenties" and feel like I've gained a little bit of wisdom and made a little bit of progress in growing toward the woman God's designed me to be. Looking back at the lessons I've learned (or tried to learn) always leaves me in awe of God's incredible patience and love.

On the flip side, though, I don't feel anywhere near as old as I always thought 27 would be. It's like when you're in elementary school--or even junior high--and the high school seniors all seem SO old and grown-up. And then you get to 18 yourself and you feel nowhere near as grown-up as you supposed you would. At 27, it seems like I should know so much more about what to do with my life, be more established in a career... And, of course, there's the ticking biological clock that always reminds me of its presence as another year slips away. Maybe it never changes. Maybe our vision of 5 or 10 years into the future is always vastly different from the reality when we get there. Maybe we never feel "old enough" to be the age we are. Because I suppose most people would consider that I do have a successful career (or two) and am doing all sorts of things with my life. But I feel like I should be doing so much more now that I'm in my late twenties. It's an interesting conundrum. I suppose maintaining that constant desire to challenge oneself to new heights and new depths is what keeps us growing.

Don't get me wrong. I love my life. God has blessed me with amazing friends, two careers that I love (plus a little side business for fun), the opportunity to go to grad school, plenty of traveling. But 27 has just set me to thinking, wondering what direction my life will/should take and how I will make a difference in the world. I guess I'll see what 2009 brings!